From my Hart: Support & Independence

I try so hard to keep things real with y’all; I want to be genuine. I post love and light and try to always keep a positive spin on things.

However, I don’t want y’all to think that this is an easy thing for me to do- don’t get me wrong, it’s not something I struggle with daily. This past week however, I had one panic attack after another. I was barely functioning, all over renting an apartment.

Yep- how silly is that. I mean really, in hindsight, that’s so dumb. In the moment I was even shocked at myself for having such a strong emotional and physical response to it. I did, honestly.

What caused this?

As you know, my boyfriend and I have been house hunting. We found “the one” (read here) and since then, nothing else has worked out or made us feel as good. Since then, we’ve had some heart-to-hearts and I ended up putting pressure on myself to get us into our own place as quickly as possible.

We took another tour of an apartment complex we had looked at the year prior, and found a pretty good apartment, and would need to move into it on Sunday.

Side note: I have never been a fan of renting, I’ll be honest. However, if that’s what we have to do for a year, then I’m willing to do it for my relationship.

Now, between the promptness of the move, the fact that I’m uncomfortable with renting, not to mention that we weren’t in love with the apartment & I was worrying about opinions of people who don’t matter… I had pushed myself over the edge.

I felt so consumed with this dread and worry that I was now standing in the way of my relationship growing, I was losing control. I mean, chest pains, couldn’t breathe losing control.

Now for some love and light

My boyfriend came home on Thursday- as I laid there trying to control my breathing and heart rate- he spoke to me with kindness, as he always does, and simply says: Let’s take a break until August.

Whew y’all the relief was instant. Then I started to think again and got myself worked up. I didn’t want to stand in the way of his happiness or our growth. He assured me my feelings were valid, and if something came up in the meantime, and we both agreed, then we’d move on it.

What have I learned

We all need support- our feelings are valid. Our obstacles are vast and effects each one of us differently. I hope to be support for you, and hope you find someone (friend, significant other, cousin, etc) who can be there for you as well.

Sometimes, we let little things become big things, and cause ourselves undue stress. We need to be aware, and able to talk ourselves down. Since my conversation with my boyfriend, I certainly do feel the anxiety coming on again still. However, now I am able to see it, and conquer it.

Most importantly…

His words were reassurance to me, but they did not give me the permission to relieve myself from the anxiety. I have full control over that and I am the only one who can truly pull myself out.

You may not suffer from the same kind of anxiety as me, but I know we all have bits of ourselves that could be worked on. I hope, that by being honest with you, we all can be there for one another, learn some things, and encourage one another.

Enjoy your weekend & thanks for stopping by!

 

Feature image from CJK Visuals

From my Hart: House Hunting

Everyone, we found the house! OUR house, the house that felt so right, but… we’re not moving in.

What happened?

We stumbled upon a short sale, in a neighborhood we loved, close to stores, our church and to the highway to get to work. It was in our budget, and already had everything we wanted plus more! Hello perfection!

When I walked in, my eyes lit up, and our realtor looked right at me and said “this is the one.” I could no longer contain the feelings I was trying to hide; with each step further into the house I was getting more and more excited.

My parents were with me, as my boyfriend was out of town. Dad went full inspector by turning on lights, turning on appliances, flushing toilets, making sure things were in working order.

Mom was getting more and more excited as we ventured from room to room, and even began talking about house warming gifts and what to do with the spaces. I was texting my boyfriend pictures and we planned on viewing it again the next day with him, so we could sign the papers for our offer.

My boyfriend and I talked in length about it, and he gave me his blessing; if the house looked anything like the pictures, and felt right, to have our realtor draw up the papers. Don’t worry, I didn’t go rogue and try to buy a house without him.

Next steps

The next day I was watching the clock, I couldn’t wait to go see it again. When the time came, and I was walking out of the office to go meet my boyfriend at our house, I got two calls that changed everything. First from my realtor, who was audibly shaken. “Jamie I could cry…”

Due to the nature of a short sale, once an offer comes in, the reviewer has 30-40 days to only view the offer placed in front of them. We were now second in line for our home. Even if we offered two million for the home, and the first offer was for 150k, they would have had no idea of our offer unless the reviewer passed on the first offer.

Pissed, to say the least, I got in my car and start driving. Rationalizing to myself that the first offer would be rudely low and they would move onto our offer. That was when our loan officer called. “The bank is only willing to give 1% for closing costs…”

Excuse me…

It was at this point, that I realized there was nothing we could do. Our house, was not going to be ours. The irony is, both my boyfriend and I prayed the night before (without realizing each others prayer) that if this was meant to be, that God would show us. Well, he sure did.

Did I ugly cry the entire way to the house? Yep. Did I walk though again with just as much excitement and still feel right at home? Yep. Did my boyfriend love it? Yep.

Did the reviewer accept the first offer? Yep. It’s with some sense of relief I write that. For the past month I have been obsessing over getting into this house. That somehow, they would pass on the first offer, that everything would line up and we would get the house. After a month of emotions, I’m glad there is no longer a chance, and I can finally move on and focus my sights on finding another house.

Now what?

My boyfriend was able to focus on the future more quickly than I was. See above haha. We’ve seen a bunch of houses since & are determined to let go and let God.

Our realtor and loan officer, are an incredible team. Both understanding the heartbreak and offering words of encouragement and support. Our realtor even began making advancements to see if we could find another house in that same neighborhood.

I glad that we had this experience. We’ve learned a lot, and most importantly, I know the feeling. That feeling when there’s not doubt in your mind if the house is right or not. We’re thankful to our families, team & God, for walking along with us and pointing us in the right direction.

So the hunt continues my friends! We shall see were this journey ends up; thanks for tagging along!

 

Feature image from google stock images.

From my Hart: Adulting

Hello friends! This past weekend was full of about as much “adulting” as one could come up with. I completely dropped the ball and missed my regularly scheduled post on Monday- so sorry! Here’s what’s been going on to keep my mind so all over the place.

What’s been happening?

I want to give a huge congratulations to my boyfriend on his first car purchase! He took his time to do thorough research, get pricing from various places, review his budget, and ultimately seal the deal. He’s cruising around on some new wheels and I am so happy that he is happy! It’s been a long time coming, he’s been talking about a new car since I met him, and I’m so happy to watch him take this big step. Well done!

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We also, went out an viewed more homes this week! We are getting serious about moving into our own place, and really are having fun with the search. One thing we keep telling each other is, when the right house for us comes along, God will let us know. So far there have been two homes we loved, that someone else snatched up first. While this was initially disappointing, it clearly wasn’t meant for us.

Among those two big ticket items, we also successfully ran errands, like getting goodies for a sister’s baby shower, went grocery shopping, as well as helping the family while others are sick!

Additionally, work has been full of fun events for me this week. We hosted a Cabin Fever party, which ended in some breakfast food comas and people lounging around in their pjs. We also took some time to try the BreakOut escape rooms & honor a co-worker who is moving to Texas! There was mention of me traveling to Canada later this year to help out with an event, as well as some awesome projects for me to add to my list in the office.

Life, ain’t it grand?

Things are busy busy around here. My boyfriend and I are just getting over round two of the illness nasty stuff that has been going around for the last month and drove right back into things. It’s important to find a balance though. While this weekend is going to be just as busy, it’ll be important to find time to just be still.

This is hard for me. I have to practice saying no, and schedule down time for myself. It’s a lesson I advocate for strongly! Take some time today to look at your schedule. Is it swamped? Do you need to schedule some down time? Go on! Don’t feel guilty, you need to care for yourself, or you won’t be able to help others or complete your tasks well.

Have a happy Friday, be thankful for what you’ve got, for what you’ve accomplished & take some time for you!

 

 

the feature image for this post can be found here